JOM BOOKCAFE

Jumaat, 20 September 2024

THE COURAGE TO BE DISLIKE-ICHIRO KISHIMI, FUMITAKE KOGA





Change yourself to be happy

The idea that we hold the key to our own happiness is a central theme in a book by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga. This idea is based on the belief that we have the power to shape our own lives and destinies. It suggests that happiness isn't about what's happening around us or what others think of us, but about our own attitudes, beliefs, and actions.

Sometimes, we get stuck in ways of thinking and acting that don't make us happy. We might feel trapped by our past, our fears, or what we think we can't do. We might think we're just victims of what life throws at us, that we can't change our lives. This way of thinking can make us feel helpless and hopeless.

But the authors say this is wrong. They say we're not just on the receiving end of life, but we're active players. We can change our thoughts, our actions, and our attitudes. We can choose to let go of our past, face our fears, and go beyond what we think we can't do. We can decide to live in a way that's true to who we are and what we value most.

That's not to say that change is easy. It takes bravery, hard work, and sticking with it. It means taking risks and dealing with uncertainty. It might mean feeling uncomfortable, failing, or being criticized. But the authors say these challenges are worth it because they lead to growth, fulfillment, and in the end, happiness.

Take the story of a woman who was unhappy in her job. She felt unfulfilled, stressed, and undervalued. She thought her unhappiness was because of her boss, her coworkers, or the kind of work she was doing. But when she started to look at her beliefs and attitudes, she saw that she was the one making herself unhappy. She was choosing to stay in a job that didn't match her values, to put up with disrespect, and to stress about things she couldn't control. Once she saw this, she decided to make a change. She left her job, went after a career she loved, and started to set boundaries and manage her stress. It was a hard and scary process, but in the end, she found happiness and fulfillment.

In the end, the authors say that changing ourselves is the first step to real happiness. This means realizing we have the power to shape our lives, challenging our limiting beliefs and patterns, and making choices that are true to who we are and what we value most. It takes bravery, hard work, and sticking with it, but it leads to growth, fulfillment, and in the end, happiness.

Don't let your emotions rule you

Imagine this: you're standing at the edge of a cliff, looking down at the water below. You know that jumping in will be exhilarating, but you're scared. You're comfortable where you are, on solid ground. But you also know that if you don't jump, you'll always wonder what it would have felt like. This is a bit like how we often let our emotions control us.

We all have feelings, and they're important. They help us understand ourselves and the world around us. But sometimes, we let them take the driver's seat. We use them as a shield, a reason not to do something we know we should. "I'm too scared," we say. Or, "I'm too hurt." We let our anger or sadness stop us from facing tough situations. It's like we're sabotaging ourselves, stopping ourselves from reaching our full potential.

Think about someone who always talks about their past traumas. They say, "I can't do this because of what happened to me before." Sure, our past shapes us. But we get to choose how we react to it. We can let it control us, or we can learn from it and use it as a stepping stone towards growth and change.

Then there's the "comfort zone." It's that cozy, safe space where everything is familiar. It's natural to want to stay there. But real growth and change only happen when we step outside of it. It's scary, like jumping off that cliff. We might make mistakes. But it's only by taking these risks that we can truly grow and become happier.

So, how do we do this? We need to find a balance between our emotions and reality. We need to acknowledge our feelings, but not let them control us. We should use them as tools to help us understand ourselves and our needs better. This way, we can make decisions and take actions that align with our true desires and values.

In the end, if we want to live a happier and more fulfilling life, we need to change how much control our emotions have over us. This means stepping out of our comfort zone, facing our fears and excuses, and finding a balance between our feelings and reality. By doing this, we can break free from the chains of our emotions and truly become the person we want to be.

Live for yourself to find happiness

Imagine a young man, always striving to meet the expectations of his parents, teachers, and friends. He's constantly comparing himself to others, trying to be the best, and feeling inadequate when he doesn't measure up. This constant race is causing him stress, anxiety, and unhappiness.

What if, instead of living his life for others, he decided to live for himself? This doesn't mean being selfish or ignoring the needs of others. It means pursuing his own interests, setting his own goals, and measuring his success by his own standards, not those of others. By doing this, he can free himself from the pressure of competition and comparison, and instead focus on his own personal growth and happiness.

This idea is about recognizing that your happiness and well-being are important, and that you have the right to prioritize them. It's about understanding that you are not defined by how you compare to others, but by who you are as an individual.

Living life for oneself also means accepting oneself as one is, flaws and all. We often create an idealized version of ourselves that we strive to become. This ideal self is often based on societal standards of perfection, and when we inevitably fall short of this ideal, we feel inadequate and unhappy.

Instead of striving for an unattainable ideal, we should accept ourselves as we are, and focus on becoming the best version of our real selves. This involves recognizing our strengths, acknowledging our weaknesses, and working to improve ourselves in ways that are meaningful to us.

In conclusion, this philosophy is about freeing oneself from the constraints of societal expectations and comparisons, and focusing on one's own personal growth and happiness. It's about accepting oneself as one is, and striving to become the best version of one's real self. By living life for oneself, one can achieve true happiness.

You decide how much people affect you

Imagine this: you have a friend who often critiques your decisions. It stings, right? You might feel a bit down, maybe even question your self-worth. But here's a thought - what if you could control how much their words affect you? What if you could choose to see their criticism as just their opinion, and not let it dent your happiness or self-esteem?

This isn't about turning a deaf ear to feedback. It's about realizing that you hold the reins to your emotions and reactions. You can let criticism knock you down, or you can use it as a stepping stone for self-improvement, without letting it shake your self-esteem or happiness.

Now, let's talk about the courage to be disliked. It's about being unapologetically you, even if it means facing disapproval or criticism. You can't make everyone happy, and that's perfectly fine. You don't need to morph into someone else's idea of who you should be.

Say you love painting, but your friends just don't get it. You don't have to drop your brushes to fit in. Keep painting, even if it means facing a few raised eyebrows. 

By doing this, you're not just staying true to yourself, but also forging authentic relationships. These bonds are based on the real you, not a version of you that others want to see. 

So, here's the takeaway: you have the power to control how much your relationships with others affect you. You can let criticism get to you, or you can see it as a chance to grow. You can also choose to be yourself, even if it means facing criticism. By doing this, you can form genuine relationships and find true happiness.

Good relationships are keys to a good life

We humans are social animals. We thrive on connections, on the bonds we form with those around us - be it family, friends, colleagues, or even the strangers we bump into on the street. These connections, these relationships, are not just about survival. They're about finding joy, fulfillment, and happiness in life.

Now, you might be wondering, how do we form these healthy, fulfilling relationships? Well, there are three key habits to keep in mind:

Firstly, embrace yourself, warts and all. We often hold back from forming connections because we're scared. Scared that others will see our flaws, our imperfections, and turn away. But here's the thing - we're all imperfect. And that's okay. Instead of focusing on what we can't change, let's focus on what we can. Let's work on improving ourselves, and in the process, gain the confidence to connect with others.

Secondly, have faith in people. Trust is the bedrock of any relationship. Yes, the fear of betrayal is real, but we can't let that stop us from forming deep, meaningful relationships. This doesn't mean we blindly trust everyone. It means we give people the benefit of the doubt, believe in their goodness until they prove us wrong.

Lastly, give as much as you receive. We often think that fulfillment comes from receiving, but the truth is, giving can be just as fulfilling, if not more. As we form connections, let's make an effort to contribute to their lives in our own little ways. It could be a simple act of kindness, lending a helping hand, or just being there for them when they need us. Knowing that we can make a positive impact on someone's life gives us a sense of purpose, a sense of fulfillment.

In a nutshell, healthy, fulfilling relationships are key to a happy life. By embracing ourselves, trusting others, and contributing to their lives, we can form deep, meaningful connections that enrich our lives. So, let's start today. Let's start now. Let's start with ourselves.

Be yourself and follow your dreams for fulfillment

Imagine living in a world where you're constantly told how to act, what job to have, or even how to look. It's like wearing a mask that society has handed to you, and it's so heavy that you forget who you really are and what you truly want. This is the reality for many of us, and it can lead to a deep sense of dissatisfaction and unhappiness. Why? Because we're not being true to ourselves.

But what if we could muster the courage to take off that mask and be our authentic selves? This is the heart of the matter. It's about acknowledging and accepting who we are, warts and all. It's about chasing our dreams, even if they don't fit into the neat little boxes society has created for us.

Let's say you've always wanted to be a painter, but you're stuck in a corporate job because that's what's considered "successful." You might never feel truly fulfilled. But if you gather the courage to follow your passion for painting, you might discover a level of satisfaction and happiness you've never known before.

But there's more to it than just being true to ourselves and chasing our dreams. It's also about living in the here and now. We often get so caught up in our goals and the future that we forget to appreciate the present. We're always chasing something - a promotion, a new house, the perfect relationship - and we forget to enjoy what we have right now.

This doesn't mean we should ditch our goals or aspirations. Far from it. It's about finding a balance between focusing on the future and appreciating the present. It's about enjoying the journey towards our goals, not just the end result.

So, what's the secret to real happiness and fulfillment? It's simple. Be true to yourself, chase your dreams, and appreciate the present. It takes guts to go against societal norms and expectations, but the reward is a life that's truly yours and a sense of fulfillment that's genuine. It's not always easy, but it's definitely worth it.

Conclusion

Happiness is not a destination, but a state of being that can be achieved by anyone, regardless of their circumstances. It is not dependent on the approval or acceptance of others, but on the courage to be true to oneself and live according to one's own principles and values. 

The key to achieving real happiness lies in the power of choice. We have the power to choose our attitudes, our responses, and our actions. We can choose to be happy, to be positive, to be proactive, and to be responsible for our own lives. 

The courage to be disliked is the courage to be authentic, to be different, to be unique, and to be yourself. It is the courage to reject the societal pressures and expectations that limit our potential and hinder our happiness. 

The path to happiness is not easy, but it is worth it. It requires self-awareness, self-acceptance, and self-improvement. It requires the courage to face our fears, to confront our insecurities, and to overcome our limitations. 

In the end, the courage to be disliked is the courage to be happy. It is the courage to live a life of purpose, meaning, and fulfillment. It is the courage to be the best version of ourselves, and to live the life we truly want and deserve.

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