JOM BOOKCAFE

Memaparkan catatan dengan label 100 WAYS TO MOTIVATE YOURSELF. Papar semua catatan
Memaparkan catatan dengan label 100 WAYS TO MOTIVATE YOURSELF. Papar semua catatan

Jumaat, 20 September 2024

THE COURAGE TO BE DISLIKE-ICHIRO KISHIMI, FUMITAKE KOGA





Change yourself to be happy

The idea that we hold the key to our own happiness is a central theme in a book by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga. This idea is based on the belief that we have the power to shape our own lives and destinies. It suggests that happiness isn't about what's happening around us or what others think of us, but about our own attitudes, beliefs, and actions.

Sometimes, we get stuck in ways of thinking and acting that don't make us happy. We might feel trapped by our past, our fears, or what we think we can't do. We might think we're just victims of what life throws at us, that we can't change our lives. This way of thinking can make us feel helpless and hopeless.

But the authors say this is wrong. They say we're not just on the receiving end of life, but we're active players. We can change our thoughts, our actions, and our attitudes. We can choose to let go of our past, face our fears, and go beyond what we think we can't do. We can decide to live in a way that's true to who we are and what we value most.

That's not to say that change is easy. It takes bravery, hard work, and sticking with it. It means taking risks and dealing with uncertainty. It might mean feeling uncomfortable, failing, or being criticized. But the authors say these challenges are worth it because they lead to growth, fulfillment, and in the end, happiness.

Take the story of a woman who was unhappy in her job. She felt unfulfilled, stressed, and undervalued. She thought her unhappiness was because of her boss, her coworkers, or the kind of work she was doing. But when she started to look at her beliefs and attitudes, she saw that she was the one making herself unhappy. She was choosing to stay in a job that didn't match her values, to put up with disrespect, and to stress about things she couldn't control. Once she saw this, she decided to make a change. She left her job, went after a career she loved, and started to set boundaries and manage her stress. It was a hard and scary process, but in the end, she found happiness and fulfillment.

In the end, the authors say that changing ourselves is the first step to real happiness. This means realizing we have the power to shape our lives, challenging our limiting beliefs and patterns, and making choices that are true to who we are and what we value most. It takes bravery, hard work, and sticking with it, but it leads to growth, fulfillment, and in the end, happiness.

Don't let your emotions rule you

Imagine this: you're standing at the edge of a cliff, looking down at the water below. You know that jumping in will be exhilarating, but you're scared. You're comfortable where you are, on solid ground. But you also know that if you don't jump, you'll always wonder what it would have felt like. This is a bit like how we often let our emotions control us.

We all have feelings, and they're important. They help us understand ourselves and the world around us. But sometimes, we let them take the driver's seat. We use them as a shield, a reason not to do something we know we should. "I'm too scared," we say. Or, "I'm too hurt." We let our anger or sadness stop us from facing tough situations. It's like we're sabotaging ourselves, stopping ourselves from reaching our full potential.

Think about someone who always talks about their past traumas. They say, "I can't do this because of what happened to me before." Sure, our past shapes us. But we get to choose how we react to it. We can let it control us, or we can learn from it and use it as a stepping stone towards growth and change.

Then there's the "comfort zone." It's that cozy, safe space where everything is familiar. It's natural to want to stay there. But real growth and change only happen when we step outside of it. It's scary, like jumping off that cliff. We might make mistakes. But it's only by taking these risks that we can truly grow and become happier.

So, how do we do this? We need to find a balance between our emotions and reality. We need to acknowledge our feelings, but not let them control us. We should use them as tools to help us understand ourselves and our needs better. This way, we can make decisions and take actions that align with our true desires and values.

In the end, if we want to live a happier and more fulfilling life, we need to change how much control our emotions have over us. This means stepping out of our comfort zone, facing our fears and excuses, and finding a balance between our feelings and reality. By doing this, we can break free from the chains of our emotions and truly become the person we want to be.

Sabtu, 30 Disember 2017

WAKE UP POSITIVE


GET ON YOUR DEATH BED


A number of years ago when i was working with psychotherapist Devers Branden, she put me through her "deathbed" exercise.

            I was asked to clearly imagine myself lying on my own deathbed, and to fully realize the feeling connected with dying and saying good-bye. Then she ask me to mentally invite the people in my life who were important to me to visit my bedside, one at time.As i visualized each friend and relative coming in to visit me, I had to speak to them out oud.I had to say them what i wanted them to know as i was dying.

            As i spoke to each person, I could feel my voice breaking. Somehow, i couldn't help breaking down.My eyes were feel with tears.I experienced such  a sense of loss.It was not my own life i was mourning ; it was the love i was losing.To be more exact, it was a communication of love thad had never been there.

            During this difficult exercise, i really got to see how much I'd left out my life.How many wonderful feelingsi had about my children,for example,that I'd never explicity expressed.At the end of the exercise,i was an emotional mess.I had rerely cried that hard in my life.But when those emotions cleared, a wonderful things happened.I was clear.I knew what was really important, and who really mattered to me.I understood for the first time what George Patton meant when he said, " Death can be more exciting than life."

            From that day on i vowed not to leave to chance.I made up my mind never to leave anything unsaid.i wanted to live as if i might die any moment.The entire experience altered the way I've related to people ever since.And the great point of the exercise wasn't lost on me: We don't have to wait until we're actually near death to receive these benefits of being mortal. We can create the experienced anytime we want.

            A few years later when my mother lay dying in a Hospital in Tucson,I rushed to her side to hold her hand and repeat to her all the love and gratitude i felt for who she had been for me.When she finally died, my grieving was very intense,but very short.In a matter of days I felt that everything great about my mother had enterd into me and would live there as loving spirit forever.

            A year and a half before my father death, i began to send him letters and poems about his contributions to my life.He lived his last month and died in the grip of chronic illness, so communicating and getting through to him in person wasn't always easy.But i always felt good that he had those letters and poems to read.Once he called me after I'd sent him a Fathers Day poem,and he said," Hey,I guess I wasn't such a bad father after all.''

            Poet William Blake warned us about keeping our thoughts locked up until we die."When thought is closed in caves," he wrote," then love will show its roots in deepest hell."
            Pretending you aren't going to die is detrimental to your enjoyment of life.It is detrimental in the same way that it would be detrimental for a basketball player to pretend there was no end to the game he was playing.That player would reduce his intensity, adopt a lazy playing style, and of course, end up not having fun at all.Without an end, there is no game.Without being conscious of death, you can't be fully aware of the gift of life.

            Yet many of us (including myself) keep pretending that our life's game will have no end.We keep planning to do great things some day when we feel like it. We assign our goals and dreams to that imagenary island in the sea that Denis Waitley calls "Someday Isle" in his book Psychology of Winning.We find ourselves saying, "Someday I''ll do that."

            Confronting our own death doesn't have to wait until we run out of life.In fact,being able to vividly imagine our last hours on our deathboad creates a paradoxical sensation: the feeling of being born all over again - the first step to fearless self motivation " people kiving deeply," wrote  poet and diarist Anais Nin," " have no fear of death."

            And as Bob Bylan has sung, "He who is not busy being born is busy dying."


 credit to : STEVE CHANDLER & SCOTT RICHARDSON